Book Review: The Dating Queen’s Recommendations for Books to Help Understand Men (as if that’s possible…)

One of the great challenges of dating is that men are just so... confusing! Does he like me? Why didn't he call? Should I ask him out?

It's enough to drive a girl crazy.

Thankfully, there's help. The two books in this section offer some insight into what the heck a guy is thinking, and what to do – or not do – about it.

He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

Authors Behrendt and Tuccillo took the core of a Sex and the City episode and spun it into a highly entertaining, and eminently sensible self-help book. Written in a fun, easy-to-read Q&A format, the book's main theme is that if a guy is really into you, he'll make sure you know it, and if you're tying yourself in knots trying to figure out whether he is into you, you're wasting your time, so move on!

Some women I know find this notion depressing. Personally, I found it hugely liberating. Although I don't necessarily agree with both authors all the time (and they don't always agree with each other – they engage in a back-and-forth dialogue throughout the book), the general thrust is something all women would benefit from wrapping their heads around: you are an awesome super-fox, and you deserve someone who will recognize that and treat you like a queen. Stop wasting time chasing after or pining for men who aren't interested or are toying with you!

HJNTIY is the book that launched my personal exploration into the world of men and relationships. As women, we need to respect ourselves enough to not waste time and energy on men who make us crazy. This book is a great guidebook for pointing out the myriad ways we get caught in that trap, and for helping to avoid said traps in the future.

(Also see the original song and video inspired by the book.)

Mars and Venus On A Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship
by John Gray

I'll admit it: I never took the whole Mars & Venus concept seriously. The metaphor irritated me (come on, we're all human beings here!), and I just found it all so cheesy that I avoided the books with a sneer.

Then, one day, while I was in a bookstore on a date, I came back from the info desk to find my date with Mars & Venus On A Date in his hands.

Cute. Ironic. Hahaha.

But when I asked him (rather scornfully, as I recall) if he'd learned anything, he said that in fact he had: women love a man with a plan.

Hmm... In my case, at least, this is definitely true, so I thought if John Gray understands this much about women, perhaps he might have something to teach me about men. God knows I sure didn't have the answers myself!

I never saw the guy again (amusingly, after assuring me that he'd have a plan for our next date, when he called to set it up, his plan was "Um.. I dunno, what do you want to do?"), but I went back to the bookstore the next day and bought a used copy of the book.

Although I have to stress that I don't agree with everything Gray writes (and some things I vehemently disagree with), I still found his book incredibly useful.

One of the most important lessons I learned from Gray is that men really like to do things for women. In previous relationships I'd always been afraid of making my guy feel exploited. I was perfectly capable of doing stuff myself, after all, so I declined a lot of offers of assistance. Only when I read Mars & Venus On A Date did I get it why this response only irritated my guy and made him feel rebuffed. (Okay, I'm kind of dense, but hell, that's the truth.) Gray's advice helped me learn to receive, and to let the men in my life be heroes. Definitely a good thing.

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Next up: books to help you understand yourself!

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What books have you read that helped you understand men better?

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